Sunday, April 22, 2012


If you are stressed, do you like it when others point it out?  Why?
Personally, I don't like it.  It's not a pet peeve of mine.  It doesn't cause a knee-jerk reaction.  It's not a huge thing, by any means.  I just think of all the things a person could say to another, pointing out how bad someone looks is usually not appreciated.

The message being sent might be interpreted:  you look haggard; you look tired; you don't look so good; your work quality is slipping; or some semblance of the above adjectives.  Whatever you interpret it to be, it's generally not going to be positive (especially if you are stressed!).

It's bad enough to be stressed out, much less to hear about how it makes you look.  How about some help, instead?  How about suggesting a rest? Or some other diversion?  Like a caring conversation about how they are feeling...

I'm sure that most of these people don't mean anything negative by it.  They're not out to rattle my cage (usually).

It's just that we're conditioned to using certain phrases from our own cultures without thinking.  Yet, how many times would it  be better, nicer to have something positive pop out of our mouths?  


Melody Lowes said...

Too true - a good reminder that it doesn't endear anyone to us when they point out the bags under our eyes...and learning not to do something by example is almost as powerful as its flip side!

PSACHNO said...

Hi Melody (OK if I call you that?), thanks for your comment.

"...learning not to do something by example is almost as powerful as its flip side!"

Nicely put.

Yun Yi said...

i think many people do have difficulty to give compliments such as "you look pretty" to those who are in fact really pretty.

my several years chronic health did show on my face but some people seem to be very generous on giving me compliments: "you look good". hey, but the real message is: "you are not ill, don't imagine illness!"

see, this is what i think, if they saw something seriously "bad", they would not be afraid of complimenting.

Anonymous said...

I've heard it all too many times.

Vader why do you always wear black, can't you wear a different color?

Vader you look so mean, can't you smile sometimes?

I'm convinced that people in general are first an unmanaged weed of thought.

The mind should be cultivated.

PSACHNO said...

Yi, thank goodness not all people are tactless. I'm glad you had positive experiences. Thanks for sharing them.

PSACHNO said...

hahahahahaha!!!!! That is some funny stuff...oh, man, still laughing...

What would you prefer to hear, Vader?

"Oh, Vader, black is the combination of ALL colors--so kewl.

Vader, your head looks so shiny these days, I didn't even notice you not smiling.

C'mon, Vader, you can't even tell you've gained weight under those flowing robes!"


Yun Yi said...

psachno, i didn't think it's a positive experience though. people with CFS/ME all are afraid of hearing "you look good" becuase we know that's not what they really mean. but of course, some kind people still out there.

PSACHNO said...

Oh, my mistake. I think I understand what you mean..."the words between the lines".

Yes, many kind people,and many do not understand certain social skills. So we can excuse them. ;)

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Contrary to popular belief, I actually don't mind humorous thought, at least it shows some creativity.

Candide. Yet Yoda would first say "you must unlearn what you have learned".

I always say "shut the hell up Yoda, nobody asked you".

PSACHNO said...

:0) Thank you. Same to you!

BCM, why mention "Candide"? (Voltaire's?)(My partner's favorite, BTW.)

Thanks for the comment!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Yes the author was Voltaire, the famous line was from Candide who declares "we must cultivate our garden".

Since the mind is full of weeds I thought it fitting to use that correlation.

That's a great book, one of my favorites too.

PSACHNO said...

Ooooh. OK. Thanks for the clarification. Nice analogy.