Wednesday, August 31, 2011

THINKING ERRORS

Do not be a victim  
To self-pity.
Self-pity is at once
The beginning and the end
Of life's uselessness.

I've mentioned several times the concept of faulty thinking, or thinking errors.  So, I will start posting some of them from time to time.

Do you have thinking errors (TE's)?  YES.  We ALL do!  However, people who are having mental health issues, continual trouble with the law, at work, and in relationships probably use more TE's and more often.

Anyone can benefit from learning about TE's.  It provides one kind of map to understanding ourselves and others.  It also provides insight and tools when dealing with life's challenges.

Ready?  Here we go...


VICTIM STANCE or SELF PITY:
 
 Is a position you take when you are held responsible for your actions.  You believe that you are not responsible for your actions and that you are the victim.  Anything that goes wrong in your life is someone else’s fault.

Example:

You fail a test because you decided you didn’t need to study for it. 
You blame the teacher for making the test too hard.

Consequence:

You do not learn from your mistakes.  You alienate others because you blame them for your problems.  You are always looking for someone to fix things for you and it never happens.



Monday, August 29, 2011

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE HUMOR 2




SEE POSTS:  WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

and TREATMENT FOR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE HUMOR







SEE POSTS:  WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER? and

TREATMENT FOR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER)

TREATMENT ISSUES FOR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER


TREATMENT ISSUES

Outcomes for clients with Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD) can be good with treatment.  However, treatment is usually difficult mostly because the person with PAPD is resistant to believing that they have the disorder and often leave treatment claiming that it didn’t do any good.  Also, the effectiveness of therapies for PAPD are not yet proven—(so they may be right in saying that this disorder does not exist--but I doubt it)!

It is difficult to get them into treatment because they don’t believe they have the problem—YOU do.  They live in fear and don’t trust others’ opinions.  They believe they are constantly dealing with stupid people who don’t understand as much as they understand.  They often start therapy with Marriage/Couples therapy.

The person with PAPD feels pressured by therapist to perform.  The client wants to please consciously, but can’t succeed.  Clients sometimes look for the therapist to tell them what to do and then sabotages it.

(Some experts say that PAPD may be one of the hardest and most miserable patterns of behavior to deal with.  But keep an open mind!)

Cognitive Therapy:  Can help clients to understand that they expect the worst from others and then proceed to behave in such a way that brings out the worst from these same people.

Challenge Their Most Common Thinking Errors (Faulty Thinking)

  • I must avoid an argument, fight or conflict at all costs.
  • I never “win” in confrontation.
  • There is no use in opposing them; they are much more powerful than I am.
  • I must please people by telling them what they want to hear.
  • I never get anywhere by showing my anger openly.
  • It’s bad to get angry.
  • No one wants to know how I feel.
  • No one will understand how I feel.
  • My problems are unique; I need to hide them since no one would understand.
  • I am a loser and failure anyway; why try to defend my position?
  • I enjoy seeing people get blown away by my agreeing with them and then my doing the opposite of what I agreed to do.
  • I’d rather back down right away to minimize the damages a fight could bring rather than tell people how I really feel about things.
  • It’s so hard to be honest with people about how I feel when what I feel is counter to what they want me to feel.
  • It’s important for people to like and accept me and I say anything just so long as they like me.
  • It’s not what I do or how I act that is important to people, it is what I say that influences them.
  • People will never know I’m angry and disagree with them.
  • I hide my feelings well from others.
  • Feelings don’t count.  It is better to deny my feelings than upset another with whom I am in disagreement.
  • I’d rather lie than get into an argument with someone.
  • If I lie about how I feel, others will never know the truth.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy:  Helps clients to understand root of anger and pattern of early relationships.  Can bring out client’s anger at you (somewhat dangerous—The clinician must be VERY skilled to do this!).

Behavioral and/or CBT:  PAPD’s are ambivalent and express this in behaviors that vacillate between negativism/autonomy and dependency/conformity.  Fluctuations between deference and defiance, between obedience and aggressive negativism, explosive anger or stubbornness and periods of guilt and shame.  Behavior can be either overt or covert.

TREATMENT GOALS TO ADDRESS ARE:

  • survival kills and self-care
  • substance abuse
  • other treatment providers
  • psychosocial history
  • mental status
  • coexisting anxiety/depressive disorders
  • medication evaluations for antidepressants
  • identification of typical PA maneuvers
  1. Challenge passive aggressive behavior and point out the inconsistency between their words and actions.
  1. Pay attention to their actions rather than their words, then give them feedback as to what their actions tell you about their feelings.
  1. Ask for their true feelings reassuring them that there are no right or wrong feelings, and that it is OK to share negative feelings.
  1. Ask them what has them so intimidated that they fear sharing their feelings.
  1. Have them explore their feelings toward authority figures and how these feelings came to be.  Help them resolve these issues.
  1. Help promote development of a positive self-concept.
  1. Avoid criticism—promote positive feedback for positive behaviors.
  1. Help them realize how their behavior affects how others react to them.  Help them be more effective thereby reducing their anger and guilt.
  1. Explore triggers to PA behavior.  (Usually situations where the person’s performance will be judged--or they think they will be judged.  Authority figures and powerful people.)
  1. Reassure them that they can reach a “win-win” solution if they are willing to compromise.
  1. Remain open to any negative feelings they have and let them know this.
  1. Help them recognize how their desire to be competitive affects relationships negatively.  Teach them how to respect how each of us feels.
Help them to see the benefits of eliminating passive aggressiveness.

  • Have deeper, more honest, and longer lasting relationships.
  • Feel less stress, anxiety and depression in dealing with others.
  • Learn to be clear and consistent about their feelings.
  • Stop resorting to lies about their feelings.
  • Develop self-respect, self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth.
  • Have more energy because they would no longer be defending themselves from people they consider to be powerful and intimidating.
  • Have clarity of focus and purpose, working on the things they want rather than what others want for them.
  • Have fewer people venting their rage on them.
  • Experience a sense of harmony in their lives.

So what do you do if you are having issues with someone you suspect is PA?  Well, the following is practical advice for clinicians, however, I think the average person can take info from and apply it.

This information can also be very helpful in understanding the process and give support, if your loved one is in therapy.

WARNING:  DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TREAT SOMEONE YOU SUSPECT HAS PAPD UNLESS YOU ARE A CLINICIAN AND ARE NOT RELATED TO THE CLIENT!

SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK:

   WARNING!!  Some PA clients react very negatively to being asked questions.  Use empathy and interpretation in those cases.

  • What is your usual response when I disagree with someone who intimidates you?
  • How do you feel when you are angry or upset with someone who intimidates you?
  • How often do you agree with these people rather than confront them just to avoid conflict?
  • What benefits do you derive by avoiding confrontation?
  • What are your feelings after you have backed down from someone who intimidates you?
  • Under what circumstances do you resort to passive aggressiveness and why?
  • What are the negative results of passive aggressiveness?
Homework/Exercise


        WARNING!  It is dangerous to give PA clients homework or advice.  They usually forget about it or otherwise fail to do it successfully in order to defeat the authority figure (therapist) and preserve autonomy.

        Write a detailed story about incidents during which they acted passive aggressive and a sequel to those stories detailing what they did differently, how they confronted feelings, how they were consistent and gave others permission to call them on inconsistencies.  Include resolutions, impacts on relationships and benefits of being direct and assertive.

Assertiveness Training:  They must learn these skills in order to heal.

Anger Management Groups/Classes:  Anger is at the root of their negativity and sabotage.  They need to get others to express the anger they cannot by their PA behaviors.

Individual Therapy

Group Therapy:

  • Members often become angry and frustrated with the PA client.
  • Provides opportunity for them to learn how to manage their hostility.  Group leader can help them to process what they want or need and then rehearse appropriate behaviors in the group.
  • They do not do well unless they accept responsibility for their hostility and do not alienate other group members.
Couples Therapy:  Often the starting point in therapy:  The partner in the couple is the one who drags the PA client to get help.

TREATMENT GOALS SHOULD INCLUDE:

    1. providing clients with a benign experience with authority figures
    1. addressing control issues and teaching them that they can get one type of control by giving up another, maladaptive type of control
    1. helping PA parents lessen the destructiveness of their over controlling, unpredictable, and hostile behavior with their children
    1. addressing behavior in all relationships, e.g. contrary, stubborn, devaluing
    1. helping them give of their agenda of suffering and work toward achieving and sustaining contentment and efficacy.
Clients with PAPD cannot achieve a personality style that does not fit them temperamentally.  Try to encourage leisurely personality style traits such as:

  • the belief that they have a right to enjoy themselves on their own terms in their own time
  • the inclination to deliver what is expected of them and no more
  • resistance to exploitation; comfortable refusal to meet unreasonable demands
  • relaxes attitude toward time
  • resistance to feeling awe toward authority figures.
These are functional behaviors and are compatible with basic attitudes and beliefs of PAPD clients.

OTHER COMPLICATIONS FOR PAPD CLIENTS:

  • Stunted career development despite good intelligence (i.e., underachievement)
  • Substance abuse or dependency
Countertransference Issues For You:

  • Frustration and anger at inability to help and being defeated.
  • Feeling incompetent because can’t help client.
PA CLIENT BEHAVIORS OFTEN ACTED OUT IN TREATMENT:

  • intrusive and unnecessary phone calls
  • role reversal with evaluation of therapist—discussing good and bad points with emphasis on the bad
  • projection of anger and then criticism of anger
  • absorbing nothing:  in denial, minimizing, changing subject, or denying hostile motivation
  • absorbing everything and refusing to apply it
  • doing opposite of what therapists expect
  • using insight against both themselves and therapists


SEE POST:  WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER?




PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

We throw around the term "passive/aggressive" (PA) these days quite frequently.  Probably everyone has acted in passive/aggressive ways at some time.  It almost seems in today’s insincere culture, trying to navigate double messages, PA is a useful, even a required tool.  Work and family environments are probably the most popular areas to showcase this behavior.  What is the saying?  It is easier to get forgiveness than permission?  There is a lot of PA in that statement!


 
 
Ever wonder, though, if you or someone you know or love has a serious issue with passive/aggressiveness?  Does PA behavior negatively affect your relationships?  Your work satisfaction?  Your life?
 
There is actually a set of PA behaviors that, when significantly disruptive, can be diagnosed as a disorder—as a personality disorder.


WARNING:  DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DIAGNOSE AND TREAT THIS DISORDER UNLESS YOU ARE A CLINICIAN AND NOT RELATED TO THE CLIENT!

 
 
 

DEFINITION OF PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

(PAPD) is a controversial personality disorder proposal, said to be marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations.

The military in WWII first used the term when officers noted that some soldiers seemed to shirk duties by adopting passive-aggressive type behaviors.

If we turn to the diagnostic manual of psychiatric disorders, the DSM IV describes the PAPD essential feature as a pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in social and occupational settings.  (The pattern must NOT occur exclusively during periods of major depression nor can it be accounted for by dysthymia.  However, PAPD clients are most likely to experience chronic dysthymia.)

INTERNATIONAL CLASSIFICATION OF DISEASES (ICD-10) CRITERIA:

To be diagnosed with PAPD client must have at least five of the following:

1.  Procrastination and delay in completing essential tasks—particularly those that others seek to have completed.

2.  Unjustified protests that other make unreasonable demands, sulkiness, irritability, or argumentativeness when asked to do something that the individual does not want to do.

3.  Unreasonable criticism or scorn for authority figures.

4.  Deliberately slow or poor work on unwanted tasks.

5.  Obstruction of the efforts of others even as these individuals fails to do their share of the work.

6.  Avoidance of obligations by claiming to have forgotten them.
 

SUBTYPES?

  • those with anxiety or depression (about one third)
  • those who are self-defeating and locked into punishing relationships
  • those who are vindictive
  • those who begrudgingly put their lives on hold to care for others, e.g. an ill parent

ONLY ADULTS CAN BE DIAGNOSED WITH PAPD.  Because the pattern is similar to that of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), this diagnosis should be considered for children.


WHY ISN’T IT LISTED IN THE DSM IV-TR?  (The latest “bible” on diagnosing mental disorders in America)

  • It was listed in DSM-IIIR but moved to Appendix B in DSM-IV (Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study) because of controversy and need for further research

CURRENT CRITERIA FOR PAPD AS PROPOSED BY THE PERSONALITY DISORDERS WORK GROUP FOR THE DSM-IV:

  • passive resistance to fulfilling social and occupational tasks through procrastination and inefficiency
  • complaints of being misunderstood, unappreciated and victimized by others
  • sullenness, irritability, and argumentativeness in response to expectations
  • angry and pessimistic attitudes toward a variety of events
  • unreasonable criticism and scorn toward those in authority
  • envy and resentment toward those who are more fortunate
  • self-definition as luckless in life and an inclination to whine and grumble about being jinxed
  • alternating behavior between hostile assertion of personal autonomy and dependent contrition
COMMON SIGNS/SYMPTOMS:
  • Ambiguity
  • Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
  • Blaming others
  • Chronic lateness and forgetfulness
  • Complaining
  • Does not express hostility or anger openly
  • Erratic
  • Fear of competition
  • Fear of dependency
  • Fear of intimacy – difficulty expressing warm feelings
  • Fears authority
  • Fosters chaos
  • Intentional inefficiency
  • Indecisive
  • Making excuses and lying
  • Obstructionism
  • Preaching
  • Procrastination
  • Resentment
  • Resists suggestions from others
  • Sarcasm
  • Sullenness
  • Negativity/Constant Complaints.  Some professionals are considering calling PAPD “Negativistic Personality Disorder”.
  • Unpredictable

People with PAPD appear to comply with wishes but the action is performed too late to be helpful, or done in a way that is useless, or otherwise sabotaged to express anger they cannot verbalize. (National Institute of Health, 2006)
 

WHAT IT ISN’T
  • “Not all passive behavior is problematic or a sign of the disorder.”  Wikipedia (2006)
  • Merely being passive-aggressive isn’t a disorder but a behavior—sometimes a perfectly rational behavior, which lets you dodge unpleasant chores while avoiding confrontation.  It’s only pathological if it’s a habitual, crippling response reflecting a pervasively pessimistic attitude.
  • May result from society’s conditioning that direct confrontation can be dangerous.
  • Insincerity accepted in cultural communication.

WHAT ARE THE CAUSES?:  They are unknown but probably a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

Probable Environmental Factors (This is especially valuable information for parenting!):

  • Child has extreme feelings of rejection or inadequate nurturing by the mother figure that results in extreme anger (attachment issues).
  • Child has fear of expressing anger toward the parent, setting up the PA behaviors.
  • Person with PAPD has a need to play out anger toward parent through other relationships.
  • Models the PA parent.
  • Exhibits an opposite reaction to a violent parent.
  • Was abused through punishing, dominating, judging, and/or shaming for aggressive behavior.
  • Power struggles with parents:  PA behavior was used as a face-saving technique

WHAT IS THE UNDERLYING THOUGHT OF PEOPLE WITH PAPD?

I WILL FAIL IN ORDER TO PRESERVE MY AUTONOMY.  They purposely fail in a way that indirectly expresses anger and defeats others in order to preserve autonomy in the only way they can because aggression is not allowed (and they do not have assertiveness skills).
 

SOME DISTORTIONS OF THEIR PERCEPTION:

  • Sees self as cooperative
  • Sees people who are controlling as assertive
  • Sees people who are judgmental as perceptive
 
 
SEE POST:  TREATMENT ISSUES FOR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

Sunday, August 28, 2011

GLOBAL WARMING JOKE


MYTHS AND TREATMENT OF OBESITY


Most of the information we have today about obesity concludes that DIETS DO NOT WORK.  So, what else can we do to stem the tide of morbid obesity?

According to Albert Ellis, creator of the REBT model of therapy, obesity is deeply misunderstood.  I'm sure most people with a weight problem would agree!  (This is my response every time I hear some jerk say that losing weight is simple:  just burn off more calories than you eat!  Grrrrr.....)

The following is a simplified point-by-point construct to explain and treat what is becoming known as Overeating Disorder (OED).  Although not listed in the current diagnostic manual, it can still be diagnosed as Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (NOS).  Does everyone who is overweight have a disorder?  Absolutely, not.  Below you will find a set of criteria for meeting the diagnosis (OED).

Overeating from a behavioral standpoint is explained as follows:

BEHAVIORAL:
 
Overeating results from inappropriate use of food as a reward and defective system of learning regarding food.

Here are some myths not guaranteed to make you feel better about your weight.

Myths Of Obesity:
 
Excess weight results from:
  1. Poor control;
  2. Not eating the right way or the right foods;
  3. Maintaining weight loss becomes easier with time.  (That last one really bums me out!)

A CHART TO HELP YOU GAUGE YOUR WEIGHT


COGNITIVE THERAPY (specifically:  Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy “REBT”) CHALLENGES SOME BELIEFS AND EXPLAINS MORE ABOUT OBESITY:

  1. OVEREATING DISORDER (OED) IS THE RESULT OF SOME UNDERLYING PERSONALITY PROBLEMS
Depression is common in overweight people, however, other disorders occur at same rate as they do in slim people.  Studies showed that after weight was lost, depression decreased.

They have different issues from slim people, but those issues abate after weight loss (due to being more accepted by other and having a better self-image).


  1. A “Fat Personality” does not exist.
  1. Fat people are not less intelligent than slim people.
  1. Locus of control is a determining factor on who will lose weight.  If the power to lose weight is perceived as coming within the person, good results are more likely; if the fault and solutions are perceived as outside oneself, bad results are usually expected.
  1. Obese people tend to generate greater quantities of endorphins that makes ingestion of sugary, fatty foods positively reinforcing. The person gets an “eater’s high.”  Endorphins block feedback mechanism that signals satiety (that they are full).  Bad news:  Endorphin levels do not change after obese person has lost weight.
  1. Information, appropriate thinking and feelings control weight—not diets.

OBESE PEOPLE USE IRRATIONAL BELIEFS (Thinking Errors) that fall into 4 main categories:


  1. Demandingness (or shoulds);
  2. Awfulizing;
  3. Low frustration tolerance;
  4. and Self-downing (putting themselves down).
 
 OTHER POINTS TO CONSIDER:
 
  • Symptoms of emotional eating increases with body weight.
  • Emotionally aroused obese eat more when they cannot identify distressing emotions.
  • Many obese are depressed.  They focus on depression caused by negative thoughts associated with their weight.  They do not try to lose weight when severely depressed.
  • Dieting increases depression because it deprives the body of serotonin.
  • Diets themselves cause a type of eating that causes obesity.  (In other words, chronic food restriction leads to binging.)
  • People struggling with obesity may be afraid to lose weight because of changes that it brings. (It disturbs comfort levels.)

SYMPTOMS OF OED:
 
*Similar to criteria for alcohol addiction*

  1. Continued use despite disruption in major areas of functioning
  2. Physical & psychological symptoms of withdrawal
  3. Binging/gorging/fast eating
  4. Triggered by allergy to certain foods (sugar, refined, fats)
  5. Loss of control
  6. Compulsion/cravings
  7. Preoccupation/obsession
  8. Feelings of guilt & shame
  9. No usual regurgitation

GENERAL REBT TREATMENT RECOMMENDATIONS:

  1. Don’t assume that if you are 10-20 lbs. overweight, you have an eating disorder. (Compare against the norm of your culture and the fatness that tends to be in your family, your individual set-point.)
  1. If you are 50 or more lbs. overweight, check to see if you have specific medical problems (thyroid or metabolism deficiencies).
  1. Find people who will accept you. 
  1. Eat the right foods and exercise. (As you might have guessed, this is more complicated than it appears!)
  1. Notice your thoughts; gain insights into your eating patterns; challenge your irrational thinking.

DON’T EAT TO SOLVE PROBLEMS, BUT SOLVE THEM!

Much more info, of course, can be found in Ellis' book.

Of course, different books appeal to different people.  (If you learned anything at all from reading my blog, you will probably understand that I do not absolutely advocate only one way on anything.)

Try to choose a book that talks about feelings, the psychology of, and healthy eating, though.  Any method or program is rarely as simple as it looks--that is my experience.
 

 This woman died soon after this picture was taken



Sorry to leave you on such a downer, but in case you take this subject "lightly", I want to emphasize--this is serious stuff!
 
KNOW THAT THERE IS HOPE AND TREATMENT FOR OBESITY!!!

Friday, August 26, 2011

LAWS OF PHILOSOPHY HUMOR

 


The First Law of Philosophy:   For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy:   They're both wrong.

UNIVERSAL MORALITY

Moral universalism (also called moral objectivism or universal morality) is the meta-ethical position that some system of ethics, or a universal ethic, applies universally, that is, for "all similarly situated individuals", regardless of culture, race, sex, religion, nationality, sexuality, or any other distinguishing feature. Moral universalism is opposed to moral nihilism and moral relativism.  --Wikipedia

 
KOHLBERG'S STAGES OF MORALITY
AN EXAMPLE OF A MORAL CONSTRUCT

In my search for a simple list of universal morals, I began the complicated process of sorting out definitions of universal morality and the many lists geared toward various groups:  International Human Rights, Religious Moral Values, Corporate Universal Values, etc.  There are so many different conceptions of universal morality, as there are in morality, period.  So much for simplicity.

And why should I be surprised?  I have seen lists in the past that seemed good, but did not do my homework.  Now I find that every group has their own version of moral universality.  That's how people are—but maybe that’s also good because morals can change depending on with whom and what you are dealing.

            Friedrich Nietzsche

After that confusion and frustration, it’s tempting to conclude that there is no such thing as universal moral principles.  There are many convincing arguments again it.  However, the case for universal morality can be made if we start with the premise that any set of rules of morality cannot, by definition, be simple because people are not simple.  (At least most are not.)  Perhaps general guidelines are the best we can hope for.

Once again, the temptation to throw our hands up and declare that morality is relative comes when we declare that all humans are unique.  Who would argue that we are NOT unique?  However, can’t we be unique in some things and the same in others?  That train of thought brings me back to universality.  Maybe some things are truly universal after all?

I believe most people, because the concept is so complicated and the proof so unavailable, are willing to nail themselves against the cross of what they "know"—the set of beliefs with which they were conditioned.  "Stick with those who think like you. There is comfort in that."  "We must have some kind of 'rock' or set of rules to live by!  There must be a code, a standard or we are lost!"  "Listen to your leaders, they know best."  Even though those statements sound reasonable, their wisdom is flawed.

"...maybe the most elementary of moral principles is that of universality, that is, if something's right for me, it's right for you; if it's wrong for you, it's wrong for me.  Any moral code that is even worth looking at has that at its core somehow." ~ Noam Chomsky

The most common rule, when studying religions and rules for living together is “The Golden Rule.”  Mmmmm, starts out with a solid-sounding basis, but is blasted to bits when you realize that how you want to be treated may be different from how others want to be treated.  And there ARE differences!  So much for finding even one all-encompassing, immutable rock-solid standard.

The lists I’ve perused all had good aspects to them; however, they can't be proven valid under all circumstances.  It’s like making judicial laws.  Why are there so MANY?  Why is it so complicated that we need lawyers, people trained and educated for years, in order to help ordinary citizens make sense of it.  (No, it’s not "just" money… ;0)

The fact is that given so many different aspects of humankind and possible scenarios, our thinking and our judgment must go off into branches...and more branches (and twigs and leaves)...

The same phenomenon happens when we try to pin down moral universality.  Maybe that is why many religionists decide that God’s wisdom is not ours—because we can’t make sense of our own!  Someone should know, so at least God would, no?  (Not a good proof of God’s existence, by the way.)

Ultimately, it seems that the only ways we can decide our own moral code is to keep educating ourselves, exercising our minds, learning critical thinking, and realize that perhaps there is a special rule for each person in each case, if we are aware of ALL the facts and implications (which, of course, we never are).  But we can try to get at close as possible to all pertinent factors in each case, and, yet, keep our minds open to the many areas of the many shades of gray in truth, reality, and morality. 

"Oh, that’s too much work.  Being fundamental, absolute, and simple—following words on “holy” pages and applying them as seems fit is good enough for many.  It is so much easier, and comforting."  "Life is too difficult to think about all those details; besides, I’ve got too much to do."  "So many have done the thinking for us, anyway.  Why be repetitious?"

Excuse my sarcasm, but the above attitudes are frightfully frequent.  People like that scare me, as they should YOU.  (Remember the Inquisition?)

Until we are more evolved and have more information, the only thing we can do is to keep our minds open…and learn to live with the "gray".  The important thing is not to give up.
 



SEE POSTS:  CAN A MORAL CONSENSUS BE MET? and STAGES OF FAITH

CAN A MORAL CONSENSUS BE MET?

I believe short answers and posts can never do justice to questions of philosophy, morality, religion, psychology…yet, I often feel lured to voice my perspectives on these subjects, hoping that it will at least be food for thought.



The question of subjective vs. objective morality/reality is a hot debate going on for at least the last 200 yrs. between philosophers, religionists, and, more recently, psychologists.  (Where would psychologists be without philosophers!)  In fact, these concepts were already discussed in ancient times.  Therefore, I don’t believe that we can find answers using only rational logical argument as things stand (as much as I would like it to).

Because we all probably come from different cultural and religious backgrounds, a good starting point might be the concept of “universal morality”.
It seems to me that the most basic of human agreements on how to behave (morality) has evolved, and continues to evolve for sociological reasons, for, not only survival, but as an attempt to reach the most enlightened, productive, and happy survival possible.

To argue from the basis of one set of religious books seems like putting on blinders.  For example, the Bible is a very slippery slope, considering the political history of its making and translation, as well as, its many contradictions.  I do not want such a flawed book that advocates sexism, racism, murder, and obedience to a jealous to God guide my life.  That is my subjective opinion.
 
However, a better guide might be what people have discovered over eons of time to help us get along and not wipe each other out (yet), regardless of religion, race, history, etc.:  Universal Morality.  Once we stray from those principles, we are truly in deep trouble.
 
Having a background in psychology, I believe, theoretically, that we can best ascertain our true needs and moral standards by bringing subjective reality in harmony with objective reality.  Without some concept of objective reality, we are truly lost.  I’m not sure how to do that, but I believe the premise is sound.
 
One of the keys to helping ourselves determine what is best for us and society is to remain flexible in our thinking.  (Black and white thinking is so destructive to logical thought and the pursuit of truth!)  Yes, that means wading around in the swamp of uncomfortable relative reality until we are balanced, whole, mentally healthy and strong enough to determine (for ourselves), what we believe objective reality to be.  For now, that is all we can do.
 
So, no, morality cannot be proven, just as relativity vs. objectivity will continue to be an ongoing debate.  Personally, after tiring of efforts to make sense of the morass of other religions, perspectives and opinions, and weighing them with mine, I agree that our code of morality is something we need to find for ourselves the best way we can, by continuing to use logic, and whatever else there is that remains inexplicable in us.


You may ask, “What about that very strong part of us that makes us human:  emotions?”  Yes, they, too are instrumental in deciphering morality.  However,  I think only when we have differentiated ourselves from our families, from society, from the mob, will we be in tune with our authentic self, our authentic emotions.  Only then can we use emotions as a tool to support reliably our conclusions on morality.
If we live only by proofs in our present evolution, we are in danger of losing abilities or parts of ourselves that may bring us to “higher ground”.  In fact, we will have stunted the possibility of our moral growth, our moral compasses.  However, if we live only by faith, we are in a similar predicament.  (I don’t like to use the word “faith”, due to its religious connotations, but prefer the word “hope”.)


I try to keep my mind cautiously open to the hope that humankind will continue its struggle to find the other “90%” of our brainpower.  I think, only then, can we hope to make ourselves whole, complete, and our world united in love and in high morality.  (I hope we still have time before we self-destruct!)
The logical conclusion of this argument seems to indicate that, knowing we use 10% of our brains, we must logically remain open to developing the power of the other 90%, or we cut ourselves off from the possibility of ultimate reasoning and morality, and proof of objective truth.

 
SEE POSTS:  UNIVERSAL MORALITY and STAGES OF FAITH