I'm feeling exceptionally good today! What shall I write about? I balk at the thought of writing about psychology, philosophy, religion, politics... (It is a rare day.)
I greeted the day with my small dog whose affection and attention made me smile and feel all fuzzy inside. I had several conversations with my partner about this and that which was stimulating; even his bad mood made me feel lucky I wasn't in his shoes; but also glad that we understand each other. (That is what is called "differentiation" or not being "codependent".)
I thought about my blog; researched, organized files. Nice feeling to accomplish something good. I love blogging!
Oddly enough, despite the realization that our country is "going to hell in a handbasket" and that we're not prepared, I am able to focus on the moment (thank you Eckhart Tolle and Jon Kabat Zinn!) and count my blessings.
The process of growing old gives you years to contemplate your own demise. Thank goodness! Some days I am more at peace with it than others, of course. I think I understand a bit better how people with terminal illnesses come to terms with it.
When I think of all I've experienced in life; when I think of how often I stood strongly against the crowd; when I think of the courage it took to make so many changes in my life, I feel pretty good about who I am (despite the many criticisms of my family...). I started out with some advantages and some disadvantages in life, as most of us do. I suffered often, but suffering takes on a different hue for me now. I'm not as disappointed and shocked as I was when I was younger. I see it as an opportunity to learn, and if it doesn't persist, I'm grateful for it.
Maybe it is age, maybe wisdom, maybe getting used to pain(?!), maybe resigning myself to what I see as certain personal realities and limitations that "bless" me now. That is one thing about aging that is brilliant: you probably know yourself better than ever before and learn to accept life on its own terms. There is a certain peace that comes with that.
I am learning to forgive others and myself. Even though I still struggle, that is one of the greatest lessons I've learned. I've learned to be less judgmental not only of others--but also of myself.
It is the learning of self-acceptance, the acceptance of unconditional self-regard that has helped me the most, I think. That is one reason why I often write about it.
When you think seriously about religion, especially Christianity, the one great thing taught is that God loves us unconditionally (no matter what some religionists may argue!) and wants us to love ourselves unconditionally, as well as others. It's a journey. I'm far from perfect in that regard, but just making small in-ways gives me a feeling of peace, of benevolence at times--like this time.
Perhaps the reason is because I'm not out in the world much lately and struggling to conform to others' expectations that I can let myself feel this benevolent? But, heck, for whatever reason, I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Do you sometimes have days that, for no explicable reason, you feel good? Well, enjoy it--and don't over-analyze it. (That is a reminder to me, as well!) Those kind of days usually come too few and far between, no? Take it for what it is worth!
May your day be filled with joy and acceptance of this life!
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